Wednesday, January 16, 2008

*dead end - a lot of ranting*

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the fetish party hardly happened due to the lack of electricity. He freaked out at me because i was talking to this other woman instead of staying by His side, and i felt woozy because to the lack of oxygen in the environment. People really shouldn't smoke when the air conditioning isn't on in a place without windows and filled with candles.
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then He threw my new cute fake pearl collar out the window (i hadn't even photographed it). Because is was so fragile is was useless. i'm fragile. Am i useless too? i'm still sad about it.
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He "punished" me on Sunday morning. He will never get me to like pain if He only uses it as punishment. Wish people made more sense when it comes to conditioning one's mind.
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We had lunch with some lifestyle friends. It was fun. We even went to their place for a drink, and i fell in love with their dog. Awwww, small dogs are so cute. Specially the terrier variety.
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on the way home He stopped at a supermarket. He wanted me to walk barefoot. It was one of those huge air-conditioned places with cold floors. The parking lot was wet from the rain. We probably spent a couple hours there.
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the vacation course i was so happy about? Not happening. Not enough quorum. So now i have to find a vocal trainer for myself, or wait till it happens.
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going back to college this semester? Not happening either? The department i needed the document from in my old college will only return to work in February (goddamn those federal colleges) and the deadline to turn it in to the college i want to study in was yesterday.
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and since Monday my nose and throat are killing me. i can even hear my doctor saying that "the worst thing for someone with chronic rhinitis and sinus such as you is walking barefoot and being exposed to cold weather". Ahem... Now i just sound like a man and can't think straight because i'm not getting enough oxygen... nose and throat are closing, am i supposed to breath through my eyes?
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there is more, but that gives you a picture of why this week, all i've wanted to do is to stay in bed. Honest. Its the only place that feels safe and warm enough right now. Damn it.
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Feeling a bit off? i feel dead:




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Not to say that everything sucks, Monday night we had some great sex. Quite vanilla, but great.
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And this is one of the most glorious and beautiful mornings lately. Too bad the rhinitis makes me sensible to the light.
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i really need some new photos
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now playing: nothing
mood: sick and melancholic
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i'm about to kill the man outside with the lawn mover.

...
i've lost my appetite. And i hate that.
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3 comments:

something owned said...

Warm hugs from a lurking admirer :) Hope you soon feels better.

sommar

nagash said...

essas fotos em preto e branco são de um ensaio? adorei a luz. me lembrou muito aquele filme Pandora Box com a Louise Brooks...

sweetie Bird {RML} said...

sao nao... a morgana que tirou de uma apresentacao minha no loveland. :D