Wednesday, February 27, 2008

*no more pain = no more troubles?*

*
i'm finally going to the orthopedist today. And i'll be honest. i've had these pains for so long (and by long i mean over 3-4 years) now i don't mind actually getting better. i just want to feel functional again. And to be able to stretch.
.
Three days including today for His b-day. Boy am i screwed if i go back to that warm, soft and comforting bed.
.
(stop eating bitch!)
*

*
i'm seriously dysfunctional now. But at a level only i notice.
.
Better hop out of my comfort zone and into that shower. i've spent the past couple days in bed. Enough.
*

*
i am fully aware that unless i get out into the world good things will not happen to me.
But then again maybe i am suffering from post-glamour depression. (i miss nights like these).
*

*
mood: lazy and worried
now playing: nothing. i need music.
*


p.s.: suggestions for a new video? Must be educational. Maybe i can interest you in a full explanation of the Present Perfect?

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

*lazy, lazy, lazy*

*
the wise fag once said:
"the only way to get rid of temptation is giving in to it"
.
So that is what i am doing. For another half an hour.
.
And then tomorrow let the madness begin.
(the Mister's b-day is this Saturday. Lots of planning, cooking, cleaning, and shopping to do).
*

mood: lazy and worried
*

Thursday, February 21, 2008

*nagging, bitching and ranting (smile and act nice? nah...)*

*
all i wanted was to go to dance class... but then its raining so hard its half flooded outside. i tried going anyway. the drift almost knocked me on my ass. i could have drowned. And i got really wet and may get sick.
.
there is an incredible recipe i want to try. With a beautifully poetic name. And another i feel the urge to invent. But i feel afraid of food. And fat. Where did these pimples come from anyways?
.
tomorrow is my day off. There are things i would like to do but i feel anti-social and ugly. And things i should buy but i can feel my Scrooge nagging inside. Yeah, my super-ego is a freaking über bitter ultra gay scrooge like bitch. The only thing i know for sure is that no matter how much my limbs hurt, i WILL work out first thing in the morning. And i better get that corset on now.
.
i spent the week doing house work. Now i feel frustrated and bitter, because it is never acknowledged and i don't feel as if my time was really used for something because there is nothing to show for it but a orderly house, a tidy pantry and an empty laundry basket. No new projects, no epiphanies, not even some special cooking because i never stop to eat when i am cleaning. Its not living, its existing.
.
i got a call for a performance. The money isn't so good but it isn't so bad. It could even be something steady. But its not the type of thing i do so i had to say no. More frustration and bitterness.
.
note to self: stop practicing ballet positions while brushing teeth and tap dancing while in the shower. Yesterday it was your toe, tomorrow it may be the hip bone.
.
The high point of my week was taking milk to work today so i could drink coffee. And making Him a pair of briefs that didn't fit.
.
i feel so annoyed and bitter right now i would die intoxicated if i bit my tongue. i need something real to look forward to. Something i can touch. Something rewarding.
.
the lunar eclipse is over. May i have my life back please?
*
(smile and act nice). Ahem. At least i get to attend a stage make-up workshop Sunday morning.
.

i'll have a glass of wine and go hide in my sleep. i have read enough food blogs for a day. But let me refresh a bit more first.
*


*
le sigh... i want this so bad it hurts. But no one seems to want to pay me (enough) to take my clothes off, so no new corsets for me. le sigh.

.
yeah... where was i? oh yes, bed.
*

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

sometimes life gets us down.

others, its the people we love.

then we go and pick ourselves up once more. And we better be quick if we don't want a kick to the teeth.

(its not a pretty thing to kick someone when they have hit ground)

...

whatever.

Monday, February 18, 2008

*101: another how to video*

*
Ok, i must admit that making these are fun.



In the words of the honorable Kintaro:

"That was very educational".

*

And i'm off to the gym.
*

Sunday, February 17, 2008

*Peanuts!*

*
Yeah, i said peanuts!
.
Ok, another week, another day-times savings period and (almost) another night are over. And here am i, sleepless.
.
You know how it goes, right? You just can't sleep until you get it off your chest. You can't sleep because you are about to remember that very thing.. that very thing you had forgotton to remember. The most important thing. The last piece to the puzzle. You are on the verge of an epifany. And its 3 am. So you can't sleep. So you don't sleep.
...
An epiphany that never happens.
.
"Let's go be happy in front of miserable people!"
from http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/
.
i want to go somewhere fun and watch people today. Interesting people. With conversations educational enough to overhear. And i want to tattoo the answer. Because i have the answer...
So, what's the answer? 42. Well, what did you expect with a question like that?
*

*
So then i started to wonder, what's with the accent? i mean, my English is from particularly nowhere. And that is pretty awkward.
.
(There is one more video cooking in my head so keep tuned because i'll shoot it soon enough. And this one will be even more educational.)
.
I really need to get an international credit card. So then i can buy this and this for my self-improvement and won't feel so frustrated. Le sigh. Anyone got any good reading material about burlesque to e-mail me? NOTHING is as frustrating as the feeling i have hit a wall.
.
The next Luxuria is coming up. The Mister talked to me about burlesque yesterday. He isn't all for my eagerness to be a better dancer. To invest in this and to go for it. He said i am too old to go after it. That was kind of cruel, even if He didn't mean for it to be. i really wish to be a better dancer, as i wish to be a better person. i hate average. Just OK is not OK.
.
Sure, i will pursue other things. i AM. Fashion designing, writing, going back to school. But this is big for me too. Guess that at least i can look into taking a stage makeup workshop next Sunday. Maybe.
.
Anyway, speaking of burlesque...
my friend




Ops. Next time it will be on purpose.
*


*
Another week over. My memory sucks. I need my vitamins (and anti-inflammatory meds so this pain will ease). Today was busy. i had to make bento because otherwise i wouldn't eat. So i ate healthy. For a change.
.
Yesterday was lazy. He was home. i did my chores, and had that meeting. Then we ate at the mall. We cuddled, He went out. i cooked for four hours. We went out.
.
Thursday i did a lot of chores. Then i worked. And baked His cheesecake. After that i went to dance class. 3 hours of dance class. He bought a scooter.
.
Wednesday i did my chores in the morning. Then went to my sewing class. i finished hurting my arm carrying that big bag. i worked and arrived home late.
.
Monday and Tuesday i felt bad. Sick. But then i got better.
...
:
So this week i have (but not exactly in this order):

- started ballet lessons. And actually enjoyed them. A lot.
- been a good housewife. Things are tidy and in place and there are muffins on the kitchen counter.
- started sewing masculine underwear in class. i wish female were as easy.
- made a video. But you have already seen it.
- cooked. a lot. And probably regained the weight i had lost from being sick.
- made my first bento.
- did my nails. purple.
- had sex. Once. But it was great.
- had a meeting.
- not been on my Mans new bike. Although He bought me a helmet.
- not worn my corset enough
- recovered from a stomach flu
- not eaten any chocolate (1 week without chocolate, but not without sweets - i'm going for healthier treats these days)
- made my Man a cheesecake for Valentines
- made lists
- seen naked girls online
- read a lot of food porn
- did almost all the laundry
- ate healthy foods
- got high on pain killers
*

*
Guess that's it. The reason i'm probably feeling this restless is because i have absolutely no prospects. At all.
.
All i want is to do something that matters. And if i dance in it i would be extra happy.
.
Meanwhile, i'll keep on dreaming.
*

*
Mood: Melancholic and hopeless
Now playing: The Fratellis (and they are fun to dance to, too).

*
Its 5 am. i give up, i just can't fall asleep. (Ever had the sensation there is a hand in your chest squishing your heart as if it were a honeycomb? i get that all the time. And it hurts). i'll go for a walk when the sun comes up. It should do me some good.
*

Thursday, February 14, 2008

*quick how to video*

*
yeah, whatever. Life is mostly the same, right?
.

.
Have a good Valentine's. I'm off to work and baking something.
*

*
mood: laced tightly
now playing: Matanza
*

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

*ai caramba... and lots of things i had long to post*

*
i've finally taken a shower and i smell of peaches. Bath oils are pretty practical things, although i usually prefer my chocolate moisturizer.
.
and i'm bummed out about missing dance class today. There is no way i can make it. i wish i could, but i can hardly stay up for more than 10 min. i MUST be well till Saturday. Saturday is my first ballet class.
.
ahem... so where have i been? Oh, you know, this and that. A pretty lazy carnival, cleaning up, going out and eating too much and getting sick from it. Life. i also have a real paper diary (even though i totally hate handwriting) so i guess i don't have such a strong urge to vomit my thoughts online. Yeah, vomit. Well, maybe sometimes. i like typing.
.
i really should be sleeping. Then maybe i could go to dance class. But no, that's a bad idea. Argh! Guess i'll go chew on papaya seeds as my mom advised me too so i will be super duper tomorrow. i hope. (le sigh... i really hate missing class. Specially dance class. Specially when i haven't worked out properly in a while. le sigh).
*

*
So, its been a while, eh? There was my birthday... Yeah. The party. It was good. Not great, just good. But it was not bad, and that was counts (there is much that can make things go bad these days, i was a bit afraid).
.
i was tired. Really tired. But all that yerba mate in my system got me by. Hair and makeup, dressing up... We arrived neither late nor early. My friend was getting all full on needles, and then later on he would be sewn, and then i had to cut him free for the first part of the number and remove part of the needles (which explains the nurse attire). Then i would dance to Minnie the Moocher by Cab Calloway and do my thing.
.
But because i was gonna be messing with needles and scissors and another human being i refrained of drinking. So i guess the Man had more fun than me cuz He finished up a flask of tequila in no time. But that was not so bad... i mean, no hangover for me, right?
.

.
Oh boy, i really need to work on my act... i mean, expressions. Because unless i have had 1 drink or more (and that night i needed more), i get so focused on the dancing i forget about the face. But that ain't an excuse. i just feel i got to a point where i need guidance. This is as far as i can go on my own.
.





.
i danced around 3 am and people liked it, thats what matters, right? (Ol' Razzle dazzle, eh?) And i did not hurt my friend. Or maybe the fact i finally took everything off (it wasn't on purpose, i swear) distracted the crowd? Mea culpa, anyway, after all i made those undies in plain lace with no lycra, so they look great but hold on terribly. And boy, was that dress time-consuming.
.
6 inch heels, one more drink afterwards, and that was it. He was sooo sweet, but He was tired, so we went home super duper early. Awwww... what, no dancing?
.
Hardly.
*

*
(damn, do i have to work on my act. i really miss performing more. This is all kind of depressing right now).
*

*
Then there was the day. Sunday morning sex, and i had already gotten my gifts from Him, my mp4 and the new ink (loved them!!!), so all that was left to do was the stuffing part. Hehehe... food.
.
Yum, we ate and ate and ate. And then we went to a small anime event near Paulista Av. to walk it off. Fun! Even more fun was walking barefoot on the part of Paulista where the sidewalks have been renewed. We had this incredible German beer, saw an art exposition and headed home around 6 pm. Just spending time together was great.
.
Yes, that is a little of the chaos the apartment was in.

i usually use this computer when He is around.





All in all, a great birthday.
*

*
Then of course, the Carnival holiday. Awww, the bliss of doing nothing. For days... on Monday i went out with my brother because his birthday was Wednesday and mine had been the day before. We had some lunch and exchanged gifts (i gave him a couple books on linguistics, he gave me a bottle of scotch. Brothers really know each other, even though we are complete opposites), and talked about life and stuff. His girl sent me some really cute hello kitty stuff... Awww...

Tuesday and Wednesday me and the Mister just stayed in bed and ate and fucked and then did it all again. Ok, we went out a bit when He could take being in no longer, and of course there was grocery shopping and going to the dentist. But it was great.


.
Until i was alone on Thursday and finally had to face the mess. Yes, chaos. But you all already know that i spent 13 hours cleaning and scrubbing and stuff so its not interesting.
.
But its great that i've finally (almost) caught up on laundry and that things are in place. Really.
*

*
Friday was nice. After all that work, it was girls day out. i love the days i go out with one of my sweetest friends, Dulce. And she gave the cutest little polka-dot purse. Which goes perfectly with the housewife clogs i bought later on.
.
i had to go to a bank agency i had forgotten was far as hell, and she walked all the way there with me. So sweet. But even when one walks for two hours, when its in good company, one hardly notices (except for the sun stroke later on, duh!). When we got back to Paulista Av. i was dying for some Bim bim bap and kimchi but the Korean place was closed so we ate elsewhere. Seems i've got no luck when it comes to eating Korean food, something always happens and i never get to try it. Argh. So we sat around instead. Her dom was kind of jumpy for whatever reason that day so she had to get back early, and i went back with her so my Man would meet us later for something to drink. On the way to their place, going by the mall, this lady from some Casting Agency gave me their card and got my phone. Dunno if i should call though.
.
It was cool hanging out at Dulce's. Too bad i had an awful allergy crisis, but by the time i had a bloody mary, i started feeling much better.
*

*
And alas, Saturday, or the day i was THE bitch. Honest, it wasn't my fault. It was the PMS speaking. Or the fact my Man thought i was annoying and gave me the cold shoulder. Which makes me pretty annoying. And that i was late for work which is NOT a ok thing when there are 9 students waiting for your sleepy ass. i was sore and in pain so i skipped belly dance class (i had already missed dance classes on Thursday due to the big clean-up) and came home to cuddle. But no luck. So i slept. A bit more work and then i slept from 6 pm to midday Sunday. Whew, that was a lot of sleep.
.
And Sunday there was a lot of food. Which is probably why i have been sick. We went to the Street Market on Praca da Republica where we got myself a new long skirt and ate and ate and ate. Later on we went to Liberdade and ate some more. Yum, Korean icecream is soooo good. And now i have Panko!
Wee, for fun engrish chinese products!
.
He bought me a vintage sewing book and then we picked up the girl for a movie. And i ate half a box of chocolates. Boo...
*

*
So i was sick all day yesterday and hardly ate. i did manage to work out a bit in the morning, somehow, and go to the dentist. And did some of my chores, which is good, so things are pretty much in place, except for my stomach.
.
But i'm feeling better already. Damn, why are mothers always right?
.
And that's about it. Its one of my friends b-day party tonight, but i'm probably missing that too. Unfortunatelly.
.
Oh boy... enough. Let me crawl back into bed. i'll face the world manana.
*

*
Mood: sore and sorry (for all the chocolate i ate)
Drinking: pineapple and lemon grass tea
Now playing: Manana - Peggy Lee

*

Friday, February 8, 2008

*dark circles under my eyes*

*
no matter how much i rested on the past days, i'm exhausted beyond description right now.
.
13 hours of cleaning and tidying up and laundry. And a couple cookies. That was all.
.
Carnival is over. Now the year actually begins. Oh yeah, happy new year.
.
My birthday was great. But i'll write about it later.
.
i'm just too tired to think right now.
.
tomorrow will be a good day.
*

*


*

Saturday, February 2, 2008

*carnivale*

*
still trying to figure out that soundtrack. Since i'm putting so much into it, if you're around, go!

boop-boop-a-bloody-boop!
.
i'm rushing to see if i can get a couple hours sleep.
.
and yes, i have fresh ink!
.
(darn, the mate sure keeps one going and going and going)
*

*
i turn 26 at 00:40 -3 gmt. Yay?!
.
sure hope so.
*

*
and if you're not in the area, go have fun damn it! It's carnival after all!!!

*

*
mood: restless
now playing: Carmen Miranda.
*


*
edit: i have my songs. Ready to mix, and roll. Yay for mate and caffeine.

*

*midnight post*

*
i have only 4 true vices:

1. chocolate
2. ice cream
3. satin.
4. mayonnaise

1, 2 and 4 are bad for my health. The last one is as well. Bad for my back and my eyes at least, as i continuously promise myself i will never sew with satin again and voilá, here am i. At 4:30 am, knees, eyes and back hurting bending over a pattern and guess? Satin!
*
All patterns drawn and cut. Undies and pasties ok, collar ok. Still to make:

- dress
- teddy (the lingerie, not the toy)
- garter
- customize shoe (oh am i going to regret choosing this shoe)

mine are these:
they would be wearable if they weren't half a size too small. Anyone wanna swap?

Could be worse... oh i heart these... But sooo pricy.



*

*
And a list of 49 songs from which i have to chose my soundtrack, and then mix. A tattoo at 10 am, and a choreography to create. That spoon in the icebox will be handy tomorrow evenin'.
.
Take my word, that list had 120 songs 5 hours ago. i listened to the songs on it about 5 times each. Picking music should be a lot easier. And at 4 am, the soundtrack from Carnivale (the tv show) REALLY REALLY REALLY gives me the creeps.
*

*
i have new hair. But i'm not showing till tomorrow.
.
now back to my yerba mate and that darn satin.
.
(perfect timing for a hypomania episode).
*


*

edit:

its 9 am. i just finished. i skipped the teddy and incorporated some of its elements into the dress. Then the dress came to life and turned into whatever it wanted to. The dress is like my hair right now. i'm not sure if i trash it or if i love it. Guess i'll better love it cuz i have very little time to shower, tidy up and hit the tat parlor. Maybe i can get some sleep while i get the ink. At least i am totally in love with the garter and the collar. Lovely, kinky, cute. The kind of stuff i never believe came out of my hands.
.
The songs? Down to 25. Damn, i'm screwed.
.
Hoping tonight will be fun.
.
i desperately need coffee. A double espresso would do. My senses are altered and i hate it.
.
mood: sleepless
now playing: argh! enough with the music.
*

Friday, February 1, 2008

*quickie*

*
so...
.
i got off my ass and stopped complaining.
.
even though i woke up late (and mostly because my dentist canceled) i went to the gym.
.
where a 1 kg weight fell on my face at a 90º angle under 1 atmosphere of pressure (basic physics anyone?) because of this:

.
baffled doesn't start to cover it.
.
but i'm ok. Only a small edema and no bruise. The weight fell on my jaw, and oh am i glad i did not decide to double the weight yesterday.
*

*
Anyway...
.
i don't know about b-day gifts or a party, but i am off to the hair parlor to get my nails and hair done.
.
and will spend the rest of the day (after a work meeting) sewing the costume (yeah, new clothes) for my trashy burlesque b-day performance on Saturday.
.
keywords? Blond Betty Boop from Hell.
.
plus i'm getting myself that tat tomorrow morning.
*

*
mood?

*

*
i'll be back soon with dark blue nails.
*