Showing posts with label crush. Show all posts
Showing posts with label crush. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 23, 2013


when you meet a new old pair of eyes that makes you want to wear a collar again. Even if he really isn't into bdsm.

I may just learn Japanese now and run away to Japan. How does that sound?

It was a weekend full of work and a Monday and Tuesday off with lots of cuddling. It had been a while since I had allowed myself the chance to go on a real date, with coffee, a movie and dinner. And it was nice to know that this pair of eyes has been interested in me for the past 4 years, ever since we first met (and we hardly spoke since).

I'll sit back, wait and see. I'm curious about this one.

Oh, and the sex was good. Not great, but good. His kiss is mindblowing. That makes it all even.


And it's only Thursday but he's already ignoring me. That was quick. I say one thing that upsets him and he stops returning my inbox and text messages. I thought that someone who waited 4 years for a chance to go on a date with me would hold on a little tighter.



He just needed time to digest what I said. He want's to take things slow. The risk? If you're slow around me, I'll end up far far away. Awell.

Friday, November 9, 2012

they broke the mold

wow, that's a record. One week. And those are some pretty strong feelings. At least oppa was honest in that he is in a virtual relationship with someone else and doesn't want/can't have any stronger ties.

He's the kind of guy I really really really want to be friends with. So... I don't know what to do next. I guess the best thing would be nothing. Maybe I'd be better off friendzoning the world. Or being an XX.

Being a hopeless romantic is painful.

At least he has flaws. Everyone does. Me, I'm huge now, as prove last Saturday's photos. Aish, maybe I should stop skipping periods. Him? He's always tired so the moment he relaxes and has a couple beers he'll fall asleep during sex. Been there, done that. But sometimes it's a bit insulting.

One week and I've cried already. Awell, I'm just gonna get back to my online work soon enough and that should do wonders for my self esteem. Or not.

Damn, such a pity. I'll hang on a little longer. We are a wonder team in the kitchen.


One of the considerations that came to mind is how relationships mold us. Yeah, I'm back on that "all the affection we got is going somewhere, sooner or later, no matter who" key again. But a little deeper. Because relationships also change us. And if they do change us, what do we do with the expectations we learn to have once they are over? What do I do with the person I have become because of the girl and the Mister?


I really really really really really want a fresh start, and to be housemates with my brother. This woman.... We're all broke, girl. Staying in bed all day and being a slob won't change that.


On a happy note, my long lost best friend from 11 years ago found me online today. So happy! Can't wait to go visit my parents and do a ton of catching up.


Gonna fall asleep to more romantic ridiculousness. Oh, Secret Garden. At least you bring romance to my life.

Seriously, when is it gonna be my turn?

Sunday, November 4, 2012

that nagging little voice in the back of my head...

me and my frigging trust issues. I never know when to believe the little voice in the back of my head. Which right now is saying that yes, I will get hurt and yes, it will be fun.

Just because at the same time Oppa is super sweet and fun, he also has a million things going on. I respect that. And he's young, Which is great, he works very hard and still has a lot of energy. But the damn cell phone. I guess I'll just stop leaving mine on silent and ignoring it when we're together.

This was one magical three day weekend. With plenty of drama (watching it, of course), candy, yummy Korean beef, ssam, soju, and sex. And I learned important things about Oppa. Like that it's hard to wake him up once he falls asleep. That he is crazy about my hips. And if he's relaxed/tired enough, he'll fall asleep during sex. Yeah, that happened. Twice. But I'm not judging. It's not like I've never done that. And besides that, the sex is pretty epic.

It all feels very bittersweet. Oppa is cute, fun, sings and looks like a hallyu idol and has the exact amount of dominance during sex that I enjoy. What? A girl can't like having her hair firmly held? But as it did come up, liking each other and such, that's just it. His life is complicated, my life is complicated. He did see me performing on Saturday (I need to work on that young thing's references) and I didn't really ask him how it made him feel. Or if we're exclusive. I'm trying to hold on to every cute sweet moment, but that does make things a bit bitter.

Damn you Korean dramas and the unrealistic romantic expectations you set. So the plan is to keep mine as low as possible, enjoy this as much as I can, work my schedules in a way that I can be free when he has free time (after all he works 12 hours a day and goes to college. My life is easier) and keep myself busy and interesting. Oh, and blow off for good the girl (I just don't know how, I feel like such a jerk) and most of my other flirts. Just too much work. Or maybe I shouldn't? Aigoo.

Its a bit strange to be hanging out with someone who is also in showbusiness. Gonna make the best of this. Maybe I should ask him to teach me to make my clothes disappear on stage... such a cute little magician!

Aish, back to Secret Garden. Tomorrow I return to my diet and excercise, firmly and trully. If I'm only gonna obsess about Asian men now I better look the part.

Weekend playlist, aka songs he's been singing and that are now stuck in my head:

Big Bang - Bad Boy

G-Dragon - Crayon

G-Dragon - That XX

Gain - Bloom

Saturday, November 3, 2012

cute overdose... and a much needed rest

Yes, you can overdose on cute. OMG, I had a cute cute sweet day, and it was almost perfect. It just wasn't perfect because Young Lae 오빠 had to leave. I'd say it should feel ridiculously strange to call someone 10 years younger than me 오빠. But it doesn't. Not now.

I'm gonna try to keep my head on and consider this having a very good friend with lots of benefits  Yeah, that kind of benifits. I mean.. I did have a k-drama worthy dinner at home, cooking together, eating from the same dishes, feeding each other and all. He has the loveliest voice and we went over some G-Dragon tunes. Sweet. I got a future idol 오빠.

Fun story. I've been stalking the local kpop community online, but hadn't gone to say hi at my favorite study place (where they also gather to rehearse) or done much but was looking forward to going to this A-Pop party tomorrow night. Young Lae 오빠 is not only actively involved in said community, but I'd say he's idol material for the fan girls in it. Hell yeah. But I could swear he was gay. Is. Whatever. So... not... true.

He's a diva. That's how we started talking online, a few days ago. Then texting. And we finally met last night when he came over before I went to work as a hostess. You know when you're flirting but not sure you're flirting? That.

I put off going to Zombie Walk this year to take a break from life. A much needed break. Got home, slept, woke up, showered, weighed myself, put some light makeup on and went to the market. Met oppa there, bought lots of yummy ingredients, had 떡 for brunch and started a Secret Garden marathon. Cuddles, hugs, and finally kisses. Its so much fun to talk to someone who knows a lot about the stuff I like. And the xx. It had been over a month. Sweet pounding. Sweet orgasms. And dinner.

He's soooooooo cute. One moment he's super girly and a dancing diva, the next he's got that serious manly look on. Nice body, cute face, with a sense of style. Strong. Sweet. Ok, there was one thing bothering me.. the phone. Mine, I put on silent and ignored it all day. Way I see it, we're both a couple of sweet 새끼. KISS, Sweetie. A Korean guy is a good way of getting over a Japanese man. But oppa is worth a lot more as a friend.

I'm thankful for today.

weight: 65 kg! (not after todays tteok!)

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Haunted by a pair of eyes

A pair of cat eyes. Japanese cat eyes. Not even a week after the last boy broke up with me (and last night he admitted to cheating on me. Orly? Tell me something I don't know!) I decided to meet up with my Nee-chan.

Seriously, I had nothing in mind. Maybe a one night stand, but that was it. He looked cute, and I knew he was a fan, so I just thought I'd spend my night with someone nice.

Maybe it's the mystery of someone who is new. Maybe it's those eyes. Maybe it's just because it's (always) the wrong time. But he has me wanting his well defined tattooed japanese body, that firm grip and those eyes... oh those eyes.

They've burned their way into my head.